Sunday, January 22, 2012

"Untouchable face"

In the month leading up to Partner and I taking the leap, we spent a lot of time doing what single people do... talking, flirting, hinting at what was in our thoughts.  It was strange for me, as a married woman, to have a man approach me in that way.  It was strange for me to want a man besides my husband in that way.

Even stranger was his complete willingness to bide his time.  I was never sure when he was serious, never sure if he was going to kiss me or walk away.

I was terrified.  I was bewildered.   And I was hooked.

My husband could see the changes in me, could see me coming out the fog.  He was scared and jealous.  I would go out to the bar with Partner, and as soon as I returned home he would initiate sex.  I felt ashamed of my perceived infidelity despite my innocence.  I justified what I was doing as innocent fun; explained away the sideways glances and the brushing of fingertips as actions with no intention behind them.

The night that I rolled the dice & kissed Partner, I knew in my soul that this was not wrong.  Sharing my body with a man outside of my vows was not immoral, was not reproachable.  It seemed the most natural thing in the world.  My body is mine, my husband does not own it.  I share it when and where I desire to.

Partner never pushed for more, never asked me to cross a boundary that I wasn't ready to.  At this point there has not yet been sex.  He and I are not in love, nor are we attempting to build a relationship.  We are simply very sexually compatible and willing to spend our time exploring that together.  Husband and Partner have met, and are getting to know each other better, as Partner and I have been friends for several years and are not likely to part ways anytime soon.

My life is becoming something amazing, and I could not be happier.

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