Friday, March 30, 2012

In Which I Pontificate

In the past couple of days there has been a whirl of coincidence in my life.  Three separate people have brought up a topic that isn't really discussed in poly circles: comparisons.  To a poly person, it's not a good idea to compare your partners.  It's considered rude, and to some extent extremely offensive, especially if you are vocal about it.

A friend asked me if being with someone new helps me appreciate the Mister more.  The short answer is no.  The long answer is, there are things that only the Mister provides for me.  He completely gets my sense of humor; he will often say things just to make me laugh that would make a normal person cringe.  He will make me a pickle and cheese sandwich, even though he thinks it is a vile combination.  He will challenge me when I'm wrong, essentially telling Type A me that I'm being obstinate and ridiculous.

But there are things that I love about the Libertine and the Prime that my Mister isn't so good at.  When I'm with my boys, I'm simply not thinking about the Mister, or anyone else for that matter.  If I'm with the Libertine you would think he was the only man in my life.  If I'm with the Prime you would think the same.  The beautiful thing about being a poly woman is that I don't need one man to meet every single relationship need, or sexual need, that I have.  And I don't need to try to be everything for one person.

The Libertine once told me that one of the things he loves most about me is that I'm not afraid to just be me, I don't pretend to be the me that I think he wants me to be.

I think the challenge for people new to this lifestyle is to just let life happen.  Don't dwell on things.  Don't try to force events to happen.  I am not spiritual at all, but I believe in living my life organically: if something is going to happen you need to let it happen at its own pace.  You can't rush love, you can't rush companionship, you can't rush comfort.  We get so caught up in getting what we want, that we completely lose sight of the fact that the journey is the part that is important, not the destination.

When you're with someone you like, or even love, let go!  Don't think about where you could be, or where you would rather be (unless you're totally miserable, in which case leave)!  Concentrate on the events at hand.  Concentrate on the way your companion talks to you.  Is her body language positive?  Lose yourself in a kiss, or a cuddle.  We're trained to always be moving toward the next goal.  Change things up and just live inside a moment - it's so much more rewarding than you can ever imagine.

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