Saturday, April 14, 2012

Black Balled

Tuesday night, after the drama with the car, I had my second date with Potential Boy #3.  I was very excited to see him again, as we had spent much of the time between our first date on Friday night and Tuesday afternoon exchanging flirty messages and generally being giggly.  We had amazing chemistry, and he was really fun to hang out with.

The whole point of our second date was that I would meet his wife.  As soon as she arrived, I knew that my time with this wonderful boy was over.  There's a whole segment of the poly population that defines polyamory in a way that I simply can't wrap my brain around.  Part of it is that I am as straight as they come - I admire the female form for its beauty, but I am not sexually attracted to women in the slightest.  These couples, they look for a woman (very VERY rarely a man) to date together, as a triad.  I'm not knocking their preference, to each their own, it's just not my thing.

The Boy and his wife, well... they seem to be looking for a triad.  They are very new to solo poly dating, and I was the first woman he brought home to meet his wife.  I don't think that he was trying to entrap me into a situation where he could magically change my sexual orientation, I think he just got caught up in how great our chemistry was.  He wanted me to meet her, so she could approve of us getting to know each other better.  I wouldn't say that the wife and I didn't get along, just that she was NOT ready for this step to be taken yet.

No matter how you slice it, though, getting black balled really fucking sucks.  You still have this great chemistry with the person you were dating.  You still want to be friends with them.  But somehow, it's really hard to do because when you talk to them you tend to get distracted by the memory of kissing them... and the knowledge that you won't get to do it again.

I discussed this issue with the Libertine, since he has been through similar situations before, and this is part of what I said to him via an email:
I don't really know how to feel about this.  Part of me is just "meh, it didn't work out," but part of me is thinking that I was inadvertantly a beta test of sorts.  And that irritates the fuck out of me.  If I had known that Wife had never met a potential girlfriend before I would NOT have agreed to meet them at their home, I would have gone to a neutral place.  I am so all over the place with this, not because I'm angry it didn't work out, but because I'm angry that I got put into a situation where I was doomed to fail.  The minute Wife arrived I knew I would not be seeing Boy again.  And that was the most awkward 90 minutes, even worse than you fixing my car with my dad.
I wish the Boy and his wife luck in their polyamory journey.  Every couple has to find the path that fits them the best.  Not everyone can date the way I do, and maintain multiple individual relationships the way I do.  

I could go on about the entire concept of approval and the motherfucking black ball, but that's a post for another day.

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