Monday, April 23, 2012

Changing Dynamics

I'm entering foreign territory for me; in the past I've tried to keep my balance between dating and family.  More and more those two worlds are mingling, to the point where I'm not sure where one ends and the other begins.

As of today, I've seen the Libertine in some fashion for the past 15 straight days. 
Saturday night I was supposed to be with the Prime, but things fell through.  I was content to stay home and work on a project for myself, until I heard from the Libertine that he was having a weird night and was free.  I thought he was asking to come see me, and was excited that he wanted to get together... except I misunderstood him, and he was on his way to another of the girls.  What followed was an odd sensation for me - I was a little jealous, and very upset with myself for jumping to conclusions.  The Libertine, aware of my mood shift, changed his plans and showed up on my doorstep, apologetic and concerned. 

I felt awful.  I had told him to go have fun with his other girl.  I was fine, I just needed a minute to process what my emotions were doing to me.  I was not trying to monopolize his attention, I know that we all have to share.  But there he was, making time to make sure I was all right, dropping everything to make sure I still loved him and needed him. 

He helped me put the baby to bed, and we talked about our misunderstanding.  We went to bed stronger.  Sunday morning we awoke to the sounds of the kids playing in their room, so we got up and spent the morning playing.  When the Mister got home we made waffles and then played video games with Monkey #1.  I kept looking at my family accepting this man into our lives and thinking I could never go back.  The Libertine and I are so wrapped up in each other, so ready for this step.  The Mister has commented that he can feel me changing, becoming more open, more willing to face change. 

This doesn't mean I'm done dating.  I love the Prime, too.  He and I share a completely different bond, one that I could never have expected.  I think I'm just realizing that these men, they are becoming a part of my soul, a part of who I am. 

I couldn't be happier than I am right now. 

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