Thursday, April 5, 2012

I'm Schrodinger's Cat.

I'm overwhelmed.  I'm all over the place.  On any given day lately I will talk to roughly 4 or 5 boys, some serious partners, some just people I like, others still under consideration.  Some conversations are lighthearted, others are requests for advice, others are extremely graphic and inspiring.  I genuinely want to talk to all of these men, but I'm feeling a bit like the man on the rack.  It's hard to keep pace with so many threads of thought, and it's hard to switch back and forth between them.

A part of me wants to prioritize, but I just can't.  I crave the human interaction.  I like that there are men who really want to talk to me, who find me interesting and value what I have to say.  I love to flirt, I love to make them laugh, I love it all.

But I also hate it.  I hate feeling like I'm being pulled from all sides.  I hate wanting to know what each of my boys is doing, and if they're having a good day, and when will I see you next?  I hate being at the mercy of Google calendar.

I don't really know what I'm getting at here.  I'm feeling torn and confused in the wake of the craziness from early in the week.  The only thing I know for sure, is that my phone is going to chirp, and I'm going to pick it up and smile at the message waiting for me.   Or maybe it will chirp, and I'll pick it up and sigh because it's not the person I hoped it would be.

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