Saturday, April 21, 2012

Push Me, Pull You

Poly dating is about balance.  I'm not so good at balance.  I have a tendency to take something awesome and run with it, sometimes forgetting that my actions and  words have an emotional impact on others.  I also have a tendency to get very attached to time with the boys.  I crave their company, almost to a fault. 

We're all adults, and things come up, dates get canceled, I accept this. It still stings to get canceled on.  Part of the fun of dating is the anticipation of spending time with someone.  When the rug gets pulled out from under you, you can't help feeling a little bit deflated & lost - a friend of mine likes to tell me that it's like someone took away my popsicle. 

I try very hard not to get cranky or spiteful when a date is canceled.  I try not to make comparisons or think too much.  But sometimes it's nearly impossible to keep my spirits up when it feels like the universe is out to ensure I don't see someone.  When that happens I shut down almost entirely, because I hate passive aggressive behavior and when I start to see it in myself I simply stop interacting.  And it's always at this point that someone will decide they want to chat with me.  It never fails that whoever calls or texts me knows something is wrong almost immediately, and they take it upon themselves to fix it. I don't want to be fixed!  I just want to take a step back and mentally reboot.  You pushing me to talk about what's bugging me... Is bugging me! 

Sometimes "I'll be fine," means just that, gentlemen!

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