Saturday, May 12, 2012

Sex & Communication

I recently had a partner thank me for clearly and consistently communicating my needs and desires in the bedroom.  My response to this statement was mixed: I was pleased that he appreciated my attitude towards sex, but also a bit shocked that he felt the need to thank me for it.  I asked him, "Is it so unusual to have a partner that asks for things, and tells you her likes and dislikes?"

"You'd be surprised," he answered.

Granted, I don't sleep with women, but ladies, if you aren't telling your partners your fantasies, your needs, and your turn-ons/offs, you are damaging your relationship.  It's extremely rare to find a partner who can read you like a book (in this I'm spoiled because I have more than one), and failing to communicate can lead to a lot of fumbling around - not to mention a lack of willingness to try something they think you might like.  All of my partners push my boundaries, but they do it armed with knowledge of where those boundaries are.  There are things I would never have thought of or tried on my own - that I absolutely love - that came from things I've told partners I like (and in some cases from things I dislike).

Say I meet someone new.  It would be really unfair of me to not be up front about certain things.  For example, penetration, while enjoyable, is not a great way to bring me to climax.  The majority of men would take this personally if I didn't let them know ahead of time, so it's always an early conversation for me.  That's not to say that my partners haven't found ways around this - but in the beginning it's always an issue.  If you hate giving blow jobs, you need to let them know!  That might be a dealbreaker for them.  The idea is to make sure everyone feels comfortable with the boundaries of the other party.

Think of it as foreplay.  Don't be embarrassed!  I've yet to met anyone, male or female, who didn't find listening to someone talk about their sexy fantasies to be a huge turn on.  If broaching the subject in person makes you uncomfortable, send a sexy text message or email - I guarantee your partner will love it.  And you never know, your next encounter could result in mind-blowing sex!

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