In just a few days, the Libertine and I will have been together for three months. He commented on it while we were snuggled up the other morning, sleepy and warm and praying the snooze button wouldn't go off again. It doesn't feel like three months. It feels like we've always been together.
I know that we are smack in the middle of the typical NRE window, but it doesn't feel like NRE anymore. Don't get me wrong, we are still ridiculously passionate and probably sickeningly affectionate, but it feels totally natural, not at all like that sudden jolt of new, gotta try it, NRE insanity. To say that the first month wasn't scary would be a lie. Sometimes NRE is so strong that you have a hard time separating it from your real thoughts and emotions.
When I was young I remember my mother telling me that I wouldn't really understand love until I was in my 30's. I thought she was an idiot then, now I know exactly what she was trying to say. I love the Mister to death, but when we fell in love I was 26. At 32 I have a much stronger hold on who I am, what I want, and what I need. Saying I love the Libertine is, quite simply, understatement. This feels more like we're two puzzle pieces that fit together; we didn't know the other one existed before, and now none of the other pieces are quite right. We both still like, and love, the other pieces, but no one else fits us the way we fit each other.
When the Libertine arrives at my house for an evening together, it feels like he's coming home. When he leaves in the morning, I don't wonder when I'll see him again, or if he really loves me, or where this relationship is going. He feels permanent. I feel this amazing warmth and love from him every time he glances my way, especially when he thinks I don't see him looking. Where at the beginning his gaze was filled with lust and curiosity and a touch of amazement, now it is filled with affection and passion and understanding. He gets me. He understands how I think and why I feel the way I do.
There are a lot of things going on in both our lives right now. There is work stuff, relationship stuff, kid stuff. But between us there is support and love and a place to lie our heads when we need to. We have each other's backs. And the beautiful thing is, we love each other enough to want the other to have successful relationships with the people we choose to include in the crazy web of polyamory.
This is what I wanted. This is what I needed. I didn't know I was looking for him, and I found him by accident. I will forever be grateful that we stumbled into each other.