Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Proving Ground

In the little more than a month that the three of us have been sharing a living space 24/7, there have been quite a lot of little squabbles and disagreements about a myriad of things. Having two adult men here is proving to be extremely difficult at times. On top of that, one of them is meticulous and the other is, well, not. Playing the role of wife to the two of them involves two completely different approaches, and at times I wonder what I've gotten myself into.

I'm stuck in the middle, and it's very hard because I can see both sides of the argument. I can see that the Mister is a third shift worker and does not operate on the same time table as the rest of us. When he doesn't get the opportunity to sleep during the day he becomes really apathetic to what is going on around him. Daily household tasks simply aren't important to him if he doesn't sleep, and even things like feeding the dogs will get ignored until one of the other adults does it. He is already the free spirit, get to it when I get to it type, so this just becomes unbearable to the Type A, get it done now Libertine. It bothers me, as well, but I've had 5 years to get used to this behavior, so I have a better idea of when it's coming and how to push through it.

There are moments when I think the Libertine has hit his limit, that he is going to simply walk out the door. That's really scary for me because I'm not sure he'd come back, or if we'd continue to see each other if he made that choice. I love him with my whole soul, and I don't know how well I'd handle that kind of rejection.

With the Mister, it's different. We have kids together, and one of the main reasons that we chose to work through our problems and remain married is that neither one of us would want to give up our time with our kids. We made them together, and we want to raise them together. No matter how angry he gets, he is going to come back.

For myself, the real challenge is finding a way to navigate the hurt feelings and the anger of both men. The Mister needs to be comforted when he is angry, he needs to talk and work through and make his point. The Libertine prefers to be left alone, to think through and assess his emotions regarding the situation. I'm a bit in between them. I like a bit of time to process what I'm thinking and feeling, but I don't like for so much time to pass that I start to feel disconnected from the other party.

I know that this process is going to take time. I know that if we can get through this initial hardship and really learn to live together, we're going to make a great day to day team. But holy hell, getting there might kill me.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Relationship Update

I've not written in quite a while, mostly because I'm so busy with work that I can't find a spare minute to check my bank balance, let along blog.  I apologize for being gone for so long.

Another reason for the break has to do with the changes I've made in my life in the past few weeks.  When I started writing here, I was writing about my dating experiences, and at first there were a lot of boys to talk about.  As the summer waned, and my time started to become more and more constricted, I realized that I don't really want to date outside my primary V anymore.  I reached a point where the amount of time I was putting in at work, and the amount of time required to maintain my relationships at home with my kids and husbands was so much that dating became too much work.

I still care for the Prime, but I have stopped seeing him.  We have talked a couple of times, awkwardly, but I have a really hard time finding what to say.  I don't like being a heartbreaker, I don't like feeling like the bad guy.  The Libertine told me that I have an adorably naive way of thinking that everything will sort itself out in the end if I just leave it alone long enough - and that's pretty true.  It took a long time and a lot of thinking for me to get to the point where I could say "I can't do this" to the Prime.

The Libertine is basically living with the Mister and I now.  He has his own bedroom, and on weekends that he has the Princess she stays here, too.  There have been bumps and bruises, and we are all learning to live together, but we are getting there.

I guess what I'm getting at is, if you're looking for poly dating advice, I may not be your best option for reading.  But if you want to see what it's like inside a stable, permanent, cohabitating V then this is going to get very interesting for you.  We are learning to function as a family unit, raising children, celebrating holidays, and going to work every day.  Doing this with three adults in the house is often much easier, but sometimes much, much harder.

What would you guys like to hear about?  What aspects of cohabitation interest you the most?