Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Inner Struggle

When it comes to maintaining relationships, I'm a very physical person.  When life gets in the way of my time to be alone with partners to share affection and intimacy, I start to feel very disconnected from them.  I do my best to go with the flow and respect that they are just as tired as I am, that maybe they aren't sleeping well, or work is stressful, or the kids were monsters while I was away at work. 

But after several days of this disconnect I get restless, morose, and out of sorts.  When asked what is bothering me, my first reaction is to shrug it off and blame my mood on work, tiredness, etc.  I know that this isn't helping anyone, that I need to communicate, but who wants to hear "I was just hoping for some intimacy" when they have other stuff on their mind?  Who wants to feel like they aren't satisfying their lover?  Because it's not about being unsatisfied, it's about connecting to someone on a core level, without all the bullshit words and societal nuances we've made up in our culture.

I don't want my partners to feel like the only thing I care about it sex... but it is an integral part of how I operate in relationships.  If we aren't connecting enough to have a healthy, rather frequent sex life, I start to worry that we are falling apart.  If we go from multiple times a day to barely once every three days, I start to see potential problems where there probably aren't any.  I start to over analyze my own actions and needs, thinking maybe I'm too high maintenance or expect too much. 

In short, I get a little crazy. 

I know the answer is to talk to them.  It's just not an easy thing for me to talk about sometimes.  Most men say they would love it if their female partners wanted more sex... but the reality is, they often take it personally when you do ask for more.  They ask, "Am I not satisfying you?"  The honest answer is, yes, you do, and I want more!

So why can't I just say that?

No comments:

Post a Comment