I've been really really avoiding writing these past few weeks. I am feeling like a terrible person, and a terrible partner, and a terrible everything.
Things with the Mister really aren't any better. He has been trying, in his way, but he bungles just about everything and I just don't have a lot of patience for it.
I can't really honestly say that I've been trying all that hard.
The worst part of this whole thing is that even if I want out, I cannot financially get out - and he knows it. It takes both our salaries to pay all the bills, put food on the table, and we have a little left over to put aside for home repairs and a bit of fun. Without the Mister, I would have to pay for all of those things myself AND put the kids in daycare (which would cost me more than the mortgage).
The Libertine is frustrated. From his perspective, I'm not doing anyone any favors by staying unhappy. I have to remind him that we are not as financially stable as he is, and that I will not put myself in a position where I can't support myself and have to depend on him.
For now, I'm stuck in an awkward holding pattern. I can only hope that in time the Mister will come around and see that I'm miserable. I doubt that will ever happen, but right now it's all I've got.