Thursday, April 11, 2013

Rambling, Reflecting

Somewhere in the past few weeks our V has both hit bottom and found a groove.  I know that sounds really fucking odd, but if you think about it, it totally makes sense.  Once we got to a point where it looked about to fall apart, things magically snapped into place.  They're still not perfect (and probably never will be), but they are pretty damned good.  The Libertine is far and above more primary to me than the Mister right now, and that's okay.  The Mister and I are putting our relationship back together, slowly and painfully.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about poly relationships, and poly marriages in particular.  My friend's marriage has been suffering the malaise that was/is affecting my own - and I realized that this isn't an uncommon occurrence in poly marriages.  I know and know of many couples who became poly and ended up with completely different partners as primaries - myself included.  Some of them stayed married and adapted their lifestyle, like me, while others divorced and married the new partners.

So what is it that drives us to make these changes?  The Mister and I didn't choose polyamory because we were consciously looking for a new partner.  I didn't expect to find someone who completely redefined the term soulmate for me.  The Mister didn't expect to find that he didn't like dating after all.  I don't know what we expected, exactly, but nearly 18 months later we've found a version of polyamory that seems to be working for us.

Day-to-day things are so normal around here that the only real difference between us and a "normal" household is that there are more cars in the driveway and three people doing the parenting.  We wake up, feed the dogs & kids, head to work, come home, make dinner, and try to unwind before we start all over again.  We pay bills and grocery shop and make plans to fix things around the house.

Is this kind of polyamory for everyone?  I doubt it.  I know that for some in the community the rush is in the dating, the getting to know new people, the ever-changing roster of lovers and friends.  But for me the rush is in coming home at the end of the day and having partners - real, committed partners - to help me make the drudgery a little less painful.

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